Friday, November 30, 2007
before i go australia i promise her i will quit smoking when i come back but guess i broke my promise! i did manage to quit in australia but after my trip back to singapore, alot of problems soon arise..esp my relationship wif my family...everyone seems so new to mi...we din communicate and i jus coop myself in my room..Sometime i din even leave my room unless having my meals and bathing times...At night i jus meet up wif my friends and in hope dat i could keep myself occupied to forget my problems...i smoke becos i feel so stressed up but does it realli lessen my troubles? i dun tink so...sometime i even tink of not coming back and remain in australia coz my times pass fast over there...alot of work there keep mi occupied and i dun haf time to tink of the problems i haf...i realli dunno hw to solve my problems...i shld be very happy dat i could come back and see my loved ones but somehow i dun haf the feeling at all...i keep quarreling wif my dad... i noe he is in a bad mood becos my youngest bro din fare well in his studies and he is realli disappointed but dat doesnt mean he shld vent his anger on mi, doing unreasonable tinks and picking fights wif mi...i do haf my own problems...Why? why is he stressing mi up like tis?im the oldest and the mature one among the brothers but dat doesnt mean i dun haf my own problems outside...can he at least show some care and concern towards mi at least? i jus wish to haf a caring family like others but right now i onli feel dat i dun even haf a family at all...do i realli haf a place in their heart i wonder?Well other dan tis i haf a problem with my love life..All this realli stressed mi up and i am someone wif a strong pride and refused to share wif anyone but keep everytink to myself...But i realli cannot endure all tis anymore! i wish i din come into tis world at all...Maybe they always tink dat giving mi money is a way to show dat they love mi but its not true! Can money buy concern? my friends always tink im a rich fellow but i dun wish to haf money! all i wan is they show mi support in every tink i do! Why cant a simple wish like tis come true?i dunno who to find to seek help or lend a listening ear to mi...
i love you endlessly.
2:48 AM
Aaron